


I Want To Know What Love Is

by DorkPatroller (Lilmissprine)



Series: How To Serve (Laslow lets Xander bang him to unwind) [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: A little bit of pining, Established Relationship, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Shameless Smut, Some biting, Wall Sex, alternately titled: Laslow has no idea if he is in love or not but he sure might be, but not that much plot, cum leaking, giant hickies that will be impossible to explain later, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:09:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8169517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilmissprine/pseuds/DorkPatroller
Summary: Laslow was not a selfish man by nature but on that day he knew without even a small shadow of doubt that he was being entirely self centered.(spoilers: this is porn.)((edit: i fixed the fuck up whoops))





	

**Author's Note:**

> you can all thank fireemblemhax.tumblr.com for this tbh.

The interruption had been entirely unexpected and had actually stopped Laslow’s heart when it happened. No one knew yet about the relationship that he shared with his liege behind closed doors. It was still very new, very recent, and… Laslow wasn’t sure where it was going.

He could see it ending, vividly. He was standing at the beginning now, but… he could see a day in his future when he had to go home, and had to leave him behind. His heart swelled with guilt every time he considered it but… he chose not to think about it so much. Maybe something would change? He didn’t know what _could change_. Maybe he would fall in love so hard it steeled his heart to stay in Nohr? The thought was laughable right now, though. He was so homesick he couldn’t imagine making the choice to stay. And he wasn’t… sure if he was in love, yet.

He was certainly getting there, though. His attraction to his lord was so strong. He spent all of his time thinking about him, about his rare smiles, the tiny smirks he tried to hide when he was amused. He thought about the light in his eyes that had not yet died… and he worried that the war would take it away. Laslow spent a lot of time thinking about how much he enjoyed spending time alone with the prince. He thought about how he clung to every word he said. He was very much smitten with all of him.

Love was just a strong word, and a huge commitment, and even a little bit problematic. Besides, he had no idea how his lord felt about _him_.

 _Lust_ however… that was not as hefty of a word. That was an incredibly accurate word. It was how he got into this mess of maybe falling in love. Laslow never considered himself to be a very selfish man. He had spent his whole life giving all of himself until he felt there was nothing left, smiling even when he was in pain so that others might smile too… and so when he first offered himself to his lord it was entirely selflessly. It was a business arrangement. It was “stress relief” for the prince.

It didn’t stay that way. Laslow found out very quickly that even in a ‘business arrangement’ his lord had no intention of letting him go unsatisfied and… he had effectively spoiled Laslow. Every time they had… an arrangement. Every _single_ time his lord went above and beyond to make sure that Laslow was effectively spent and pleased… and then Laslow would sneak away to his room shortly after.

The last night he did not. Last night the prince asked for him to stay a little longer, for he was feeling particularly stressed about the recent events with Corrin abandoning Nohr. Laslow understood his concerns. Corrin chose not only to leave behind their family, but to leave behind both countries and become an enemy to both. If his lord wanted to be held a little longer that night, Laslow considered it his honor and his duty to do so… and also he secretly enjoyed the way Xander held him close.

(He wondered in times like that if that was what love was. Was it holding each other close under the sheets, and chasing away nightmares? Was it Xander’s chin hooked over Laslow’s shoulder and his soft breathing near his ear?)

Laslow meant to slip away once his lord drifted off, but he fell asleep and it was actually Xander who woke him. At the time he had been humiliated (how could he have spent the whole night lying naked in Prince Xander’s bed?), but that embarrassment quickly shifted into amusement because his lord took up sliding his hand along the inside of his thighs. Amusement shifted into desire.

It was absolutely a delight. Laslow felt more spoiled than usual to have hot kisses against his shoulder wake him, and to be so gently pressed into the sheets. It was slow and lazy and calm and the build-up was just the same. Slow, growing to a climax that had him meeting Xander’s thrusts, had him humming with anticipation. His lord came first (and Laslow would have had it no other way) but then…

But then they were interrupted. A knock at the door from Peri, with his breakfast. The idea of interruption had slipped from his mind entirely but the shock of Xander withdrawing completely, and without having pushed Laslow over the edge… that was far, far worse. He felt empty and cold and… Selfish. He felt like he deserved to have that orgasm.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He had to push himself off of Xander’s bed and dress himself in yesterday’s clothes (and thankfully it was his _uniform_ , so Peri likely wouldn’t notice it was not a fresh shirt) and he had to comb his hair with his fingers (he did not dare touch Xander’s brush) and stand. He stood at attention with his hands behind his back by Xander’s desk.

Peri came in with a tray of pastries and tea. She looked confused to see Laslow standing there. “Oh! Was it not my turn to bring Lord Xander his..?” She asked, and Laslow shook his head no. He forced out the fakest chuckle he thought he’d ever laughed and a smile to match.

“Ah, no. I… You see…”

“Laslow is being punished.” Laslow thought that he looked a mess in that moment, but _Lord Xander_ did not. Somehow he looked as regal as ever in his vest and shirt and high-waisted pants (and how had he gotten dressed so beautifully so quickly? Laslow was still unsure if his own boots were even on the right feet.), and he took a seat at his desk.

Peri’s smile faltered briefly. “Uh oh, Again?”

Laslow’s cheeks heated up at the comment and the accusation that came with it. It wasn’t as if it was true! He had been punished before, of course, but… he’d done nothing wrong this time. It was just a smooth lie; it was just…

“He found out about the fistfight, didn’t he?” Peri asked Laslow. She giggled. “Don’t be too mad, Lord Xander, he was defending that woman’s pride!”

Laslow paled.

“Fistfight?” Xander asked. Peri blinked at him, and then nodded her head. He cleared his throat. “Yes. It is about the fistfight. Do not worry, Peri. He will be punished strictly but fairly. However, he will fulfill both of your duties today. You may have the day off.”

“Oh? Really? Are you _sure_? I was supposed to help you sort through your old papers and books today!”

“I am very sure. Laslow will do it.”

Peri shrugged and nodded her head. Laslow wondered just how true Xander’s words were. Laslow was currently… in a _predicament._ He did not necessarily want to focus on his work just yet.

Peri took her leave and Laslow was about to relax, but his fears were confirmed when Xander said “Do not move.”

Laslow didn’t. He stood tall in front of Prince Xander. “M-Milord?”

“A fistfight? What have we discussed about your behavior? Everything you do reflects back onto me.”

“W-Well, then the reflection shows that our lord cares about a young woman’s dignity!” Laslow smiled, but it turned into a halfhearted frown. Arguing… would likely not get him what he wanted. “Er… I apologize, I…” His breath hitched when the prince stepped closer. He leaned down close, and Laslow thought… well it was _stupid_ of him to think it, but Laslow thought he might kiss him. Of course he had never done that before. He had kissed his shoulders or his neck but not once his lips. Because their relationship was strictly business, it was professional. Sort of.

(Laslow didn’t know what love felt like, not really, but he also wondered if the twist of unhappiness that came with the thought that his relationship with Xander was ‘business as usual’ had something to do with it.)

“I would think you would care more about _my dignity_.” Xander didn’t move away and Laslow felt a pink shade cover his cheeks. He did, of course, care about Xander’s dignity. Laslow would have given anything to ensure no shame ever came to his liege. In that moment it was hard to focus on pushing that answer out of his mouth though, because Xander was close and his breath was hot against his skin—dangerously close to his mouth—and…

And Laslow was _so horny_. He still wanted to have that orgasm, he was still half hard in his pants (a detail he hoped that Peri hadn’t noticed), he wasn’t _used_ to having to wait. It almost hurt. Not to mention now, standing upright… he could feel the cooled cum sliding down the inside of his thigh, staining his skin and his clothes and his dignity alike. His fingers twitched at his side and his mouth was dry. This was _too close_. Xander was _too close_.

Laslow was selfish and it was the prince’s fault, really, because if he hadn’t always been such a generous lover (lover?) in the past this wouldn’t be a problem now.

He was selfish and so he leaned closer, tried to close the distance between their bodies. Xander took a step back, and Laslow sucked in a breath and reminded himself of what an idiot he was. “I-I… I apologize, I…”

“Stay put, Laslow.” Xander’s voice was stern. Laslow closed his eyes and wished he could will away the shame on his face. He wished he could forget what he wanted. He couldn’t ask for it. He was meant to serve his prince, the prince had no business serving _him_. He swallowed hard but he swore he would never get the knot out of his throat. He turned his head just slightly to see what the prince was doing. Laslow was… concerned when he slid the bolt to lock the doors to his chambers.

Xander returned and for a moment Laslow thought he knew what his punishment would be. He thought it would be to complete Peri’s tasks and to avoid speaking to any sweet ladies in town that day. Imagine his surprise when Xander reached out and took his hand. Silence stretched between them when he tugged the leathered glove off of him. Then the other, and Laslow’s heart raced when Xander reached for the belt that overlaid Laslow’s tunic.

He was going to drown in how badly he wanted his lord to undress him. Sure enough the buckle was undone and he tugged the vest and tunic over Laslow’s head in one motion. Laslow lifted his arms to make the task easier but… He realized right away that the prince was staring at him.

He rarely did that. Laslow had obviously, _obviously_ , been nude before his lord before but Xander had never bothered to really look at him (or if he did, he was far less obvious about it). Xander made one of those tiny smirks and he hooked his thumbs into the tights Laslow wore and crouched while he pushed them down to his knees and he _smiled_ when he saw Laslow’s erection. Smiled like he knew that Laslow was _dying_ , literally dying he thought, with how much he ached for Xander.

The prince leaned closer and Laslow was horrified at how close his lips came to his groin and… well there were a list of things his lord had never done to him and likely never would. He didn’t do it now, either, instead he pushed Laslow’s knees apart just ever so slightly and he laid the _gentlest_ of kisses on the inside of his thigh. He followed it up with a bite so sudden and so harsh that Laslow yelped and, unwittingly, he gripped the fabric of his lord’s vest.

“Get rid of those.” Xander murmured, and he gestured to Laslow’s boots and the tights wrapped around them. He then stood up and returned to his desk, leaving a cold spot in the air where he had just been and a red welt on Laslow’s thigh. “But otherwise remain at your post.”

Laslow realized when he bent down to unbuckle the boots that moving made slick sensation from before start up all over again. A mixture of what he knew to be oil and his lord’s previous deposits that glided down the inside of his legs and he wished his cock hadn’t bobbed at the idea that perhaps all this undressing would lead to Prince Xander replacing what was lost. He wished he had more self-control. He wished he was less needy, in that moment. He used the discarded tights to wipe away some of the dribble.

Naked. He was stark naked in front of the Prince of Nohr and the Prince was fully clothed. When their eyes met Laslow wondered what in the world he was doing, just admiring him. Admiring? Perhaps judging. He didn’t dare to move, though. He had been told twice now not to do so. The door was locked and so he was not afraid of anyone seeing him, he supposed, but…

He was afraid of the way Xander was looking at him. “I meant to come back, and to take care of what I didn’t finish.” He began, but he took a seat at his desk. He rested his head in his hand and Laslow’s heart sped up. Was it obvious on his face what he wanted? If not his face, he could think of another something making it painfully obvious. “But a fistfight? To think you were hiding it from me, as well… I wonder what else you haven’t told me.”

“M-Milord…”

“What will it take for you to stop chasing women to the point of harassment, Laslow?” The prince asked. Laslow swallowed again, unsure what to say. He had only gotten himself into that fight in order to defend someone, that particular time. He hadn’t… He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually approached a woman in hopes of wooing her, not really. Innocent flirtations here or there, but…

Had he really stopped seeking out women? When had that happened? He nervously considered if it had overlapped with… _this_. This relationship, this _arrangement_ this… might have meant more to Laslow than he wanted to admit. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he’d fallen in love a long time ago and he had no idea.

Did it mean that much to Prince Xander, as well?

The prince stood up once more from his chair and Laslow was surprised that he practically answered the unvoiced question. He did care—he had to, somewhat, because he said in a voice that was too small for his usual confidence, “Is there something they can give you, that I cannot?”

The idea that the high prince was jealous of Laslow’s flirting, and not just irritated by it… sent a few different emotions through Laslow. He sucked in a breath and shook his head. Xander was… what he wanted. He was what Laslow _needed._ Certainly no other man nor woman could give him what he ached for now, or calm the swirl of emotions in his heart, save his liege. “Milord you know that there is not.”

Xander put his hands into Laslow’s, but it was far from a romantic swing or something. He used his grip to walk him backwards, guided him until his back met the cool, stone wall, and his wrists were pinned at his sides while Xander kissed him. _Kissed him_. For the first time! He was kissing him long and hard and desperation built up in Laslow.

He damn near whined when the prince pressed his knee between his thighs. Laslow didn’t mean to tear his lips away to glance down, but when he glanced back up he saw an amused look on Xander’s face, a look entirely unlike his normal façade of indifference. Laslow was helpless. He rolled his hips against Xander’s leg and he moaned like an idiot but he didn’t stop because he was more than just a little desperate. The moment Laslow moaned Xander captured his lips again and kissed him again, and Laslow… he was sure his lips were going to be so obviously bruised.

 _Everyone_ was going to know that he had been up to something, and the idea of explaining himself was an embarrassing one. He couldn’t even breathe, those kisses were so long and so hard, and he just… didn’t care. He’d never been kissed like this in his life in general, but this was certainly new for him in terms of his relationship with his liege… He'd never been held like this, not really, but when he tugged to resist the prince's grasp on him, he found that he let him go, let him move his hands freely. It was calming, really, to some extent. It reminded him that he trusted his lord. Laslow was nervous at first to put his hands into his hair, but the very touch drew a noise out of him. Out of _Xander_. A moan that was more than just the casual grunts he was used to when they laid together. For that very reason Laslow wrapped his fingers up in those golden curls and _tugged._

Xander bit Laslow’s lip but it didn’t mask the pleased groan he made. Laslow's eyes flitted upwards and came to rest along the normally calm color of Xander's cheeks. They were burning red. Was he shy? Laslow would not soon forget the fact that his lord liked to have his hair pulled. Xander caught his gaze and when he did he raised his hands until he could recapture Laslow's wrists. Laslow didn't struggle, didn't worry. He let the prince guide his hands until they were trapped against the stone wall. He thought he also wouldn't soon forget that he liked the feeling that came with putting trust in Prince Xander to have that control over him. Perhaps today was a learning experience.

Xander kissed Laslow’s jaw, and moved quickly down to his neck. Laslow’s eyes opened for a moment with shock… but he let them slide closed again, heavy and clouded with arousal. Part of him supposed he was hoping Xander wouldn’t put a giant red welt on his neck, one that would be impossible to hide even with a high collar. Most of him was _thrilled_ when those teeth bit down.

Xander had never been rough with him before. He tightened his grasp on Laslow's wrists and Laslow, the mess that he was in that moment, he moaned for just that. The idea of that. Everything they had ever done had been precise and docile and this was… different. Wonderfully different. Xander released his grip on Laslow’s wrists altogether (which was something of a disappointment, but Laslow had other concerns) and the moment he did so Laslow was pushing them down to grope at his hips, to ground himself while he rocked against Xander’s leg but…

Xander pulled his leg away, and took a whole step back.

 _Oh no_ , Laslow thought. He didn’t want to stop. Did Xander have that sort of self-control? Could he prove a point by leaving Laslow this desperate?

Xander’s hands moved towards his own belt. Laslow’s breath left him in a relieved _whoosh_. He didn’t even take the time to push his pants all the way down. Laslow’s eyes flickered down. The sight of his lord’s plump cock was familiar but never disappointing. He blinked slow so his eyes turned back up to Xander’s face.

Maybe he _was_ in love. He wasn’t sure how to identify it, or if he truly knew for sure, but maybe… that’s what this was. He didn’t dwell on the passing thought that came with looking into the eyes of the man he wanted so desperately. He only focused on the shiver of anticipation for what was to come. (Himself, he hoped.) “Not that I should complain…” He was breathless. Xander stepped closer and reached behind him. A little rougher than Laslow thought was entirely necessary he spread him apart. Laslow’s voice was even more breathless when he whispered “T-This is hardly a punishment…”

Laslow hardly considered what Xander was doing to be anything akin to fingering him. He had done that earlier. He had done that when they had sex the previous night, even. This was more like… playing. He slid his middle and ring finger inside of Laslow and rubbed against his inner walls and Laslow felt _so slick_ from their earlier endeavors.

“You are right.” Xander whispered into his ear. “You should not complain.” Tension left Laslow’s shoulders entirely, and a second later Xander removed his fingers. He braced his hands on Laslow’s hips. Laslow expected he would roll their hips together. He hadn’t expected Xander to _lift him_.

Effortlessly. His lord was stronger than anyone Laslow knew, of course, but _effortlessly_. Laslow gasped but the startle didn’t last long. He wrapped his legs around his lord’s hips. _I was meant to be here_ , he thought in passing. He rested comfortably on Xander’s hips like that, with his back braced against the wall.Lifted like this he was just a hair taller than Xander, and he admittedly liked it. It allowed him to lean down and press a tiny, thoughtless kiss against his forehead.

He would only realize later that perhaps that was too affectionate, and uncalled for.

He’d only just been situated on the wall when Xander aligned their bodies and swiftly crammed himself into Laslow all at once. He was slick and open wide for him from earlier, but the position was new. This was an _entirely_ new angle. It felt deeper, the sudden fullness made Laslow’s gut twist. Gravity pulled him down onto Xander and the prince thrusted up even further. Laslow almost thought he could feel his eyes growing darker.

Laslow’s head lulled back and hit the wall a little harder than he’d really have liked. Xander had a very sturdy grip around and under his legs. Laslow was not worried he would fall, remarkably. He was more worried he would come undone. He was _selfish_ , and he knew it, but he wasn’t supposed to be. This had never been about him. This relationship with Xander, this was meant to be a stress relief for the prince. An outlet to vent away his worries.

Xander leaned forward and Laslow had been spoiled with gentle touches during sex in the past, so he hardly expected him to bite hard onto his chest. It burned, but in the best way, in a way that made him arch just slightly off the wall and press back down into the prince’s upwards thrusts. One, two, three red, angry marks on his skin. The prince had never marked his skin up like this before.

They had never done anything like this before.

Laslow nervously raised his hands back to Xander’s hair, experimentally tugged on it again. It served to make Xander tilt his head up, and to look right at him. His eyes were blown dark, too. Had anyone else ever seen Xander like this? Once more the selfish part of Laslow enjoyed that thought.

Laslow’s words overlapped with his realization that everything was becoming more and more sensitive, that every move his liege made was sending tingling jolts through him. With the realization that he was fast approaching an edge he was afraid to fall off of, for fear of making a fool of himself. Then again, nothing could really be more foolish than the question he asked. “M-May I kiss you, again?”

Xander did not answer his question, but he craned his neck closer and their lips brushed. Laslow leaned into the kiss and captured his mouth. He sucked hard on his lip and then slid his tongue over it until the prince opened up for him. Laslow clung to Xander’s hair, didn’t mean to pull as hard as he did, but his prostate was swollen and sensitive and every move his lord made was _smashing_ it and…

 _Stars_. His vision was hazy, like he was getting dizzy. He moaned loud and desperate and right into Xander’s mouth like an idiot, like he was allowed to, like he wasn’t just a servant doing his job. His thighs tightened around Xander’s hips (and he honestly thought they would be bruised where his hip bones kept slamming into them). The build was rapid; it wasn’t slow or gentle. It was hot lightning that made his heart slam against his chest so hard it burned, and he sloppily broke off their kiss to sputter. “M-Milord I need to...!”

“Wait.” It was by no means as strict as Xander normally sounded. His breath was ragged. Xander slowed his thrusts down to a lazy rocking. Laslow’s breath hurt to take in, but worse than that was the shock he felt when he was asked to wait. He didn’t know if he _could_ wait. He tucked Xander’s bangs behind his ear, but it hardly distracted him from the heat and warmth and the fat cock that laid heavy against his prostate.

“P-please…” He whispered it, he nearly choked. He wasn’t sure what he was begging for. Perhaps permission? What would happen if he couldn’t wait long enough? His hips twitched unwillingly, effectively tightening his body around Xander and making _both_ of them moan low. Xander slid one of his hands up and to Laslow’s face. _“Oh, gods,”_ Laslow panted, almost whimpered, because the slight shift in gravity seemed miniscule, but it nearly tipped him too far. He swore he was hanging on by a thread, a single straw would collapse him.

“No titles.” Xander whispered against the corner of Laslow’s mouth, which had been hanging open just slightly.

“But—“

“ _Laslow_.”

He shouldn’t have been allowed to call his lord by name so casually. He certainly shouldn’t have been allowed to moan it. But the prince pulled his face forward and pressed a firm kiss to his lower lip like it was a promise, and he _snapped_ his hips up harder and faster than Laslow could have expected in that moment… and Laslow called his name. More than once, Xander’s name tumbled off his lips multiple times in a crescendo that peaked so loudly he worried he would be heard through the walls. He came white-hot and too fast and remarkably untouched and _all over_ his lord’s vest.

Every thrust that came after that made his hips jolt forward, far too overstimulated, far too electrical. Xander readjusted his grip on Laslow’s legs—legs that felt so weak he was barely able to keep them folded around Xander by then—and only one, two, three more thrusts before Laslow heard Xander’s breath catch in his throat and he rocked hard and deep, grinding against the entirely unworthy retainer as he came.

The wall did more than its fair share of supporting Laslow after that. It was cold on his hot skin. Laslow’s eyes drooped and his lashes lowered. When he reopened his eyes it was because the prince was shifting to help him stand up on his own. His legs were unsteady and his knees hurt where they had been wrapped around him for so long, and _truly_ he was a mess. He was a mess from the night before, a mess from that morning, and now even more of a mess. His back and shoulders ached where he had been slammed into the wall but… he couldn’t help the small smile on his face.

“Laslow.”

 _Uh oh._ Xander’s voice was strict and pulled Laslow out of his thoughts and made his lips drop into a tiny frown. “Y-Yes, Milo—Xander..?”

“Do not let me hear of you harassing the local women again.” Laslow looked away with a blush and opened his mouth. His lips had barely parted in protest when Xander continued. “And… Perhaps, after we have both cleaned ourselves up… I will take you into town for tea.”

Laslow did not know if he was in love. He supposed that was something he would learn over time. He did know, however, that the Prince of Nohr saw fit to take him out on a ‘date’… and even though he had to do all of Peri’s chores that day, as well as his own, Laslow found subtle comfort in being the only one to spend time with Lord Xander that day, and simply being selfish.

**Author's Note:**

> I never claimed to be good at porn but here we are anyway.
> 
> I HAVE TO FINISH MY PROMPTS FOR XANLOW WEEK JESUS.
> 
> Also I didn't forget about my actual fanfic guys I will probably be updating My Kingdom Come next week once Xanlow Week is over and I have a hot minute to catch up.


End file.
